Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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