I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
