and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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