ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
