apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
