WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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