That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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