I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
