singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
