Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
