WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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