When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We left the knife in your bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The air taste purple.
Randomize
