a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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