You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
