I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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