So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
