i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
