i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had sex on a dog bed..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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