Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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