so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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