THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
