Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's like iHOP with fire
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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