Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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