ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
