I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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