you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
