take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
