i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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