Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize