I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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