Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
