so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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