So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
