Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
