Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

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(281): View more from Texas

Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.

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(802): View more from Vermont

he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife

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(810): View more from Michigan

She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?

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(520): View more from Arizona

i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.

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(315): View more from New York

yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel

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(305): View more from Florida

I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb

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