it's too hot outside to masturbate.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
