I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
