How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
