had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
