So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
