I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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