he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
