toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
