I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
