So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize