her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
