i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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