just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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