We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
