I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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