i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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