My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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