i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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