So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
