Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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