This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
