If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
