1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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