I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
