im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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