Whod you bang
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
