It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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