So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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