woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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