Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's never too late to be topless.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
