I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
