he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
