I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
