we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
