Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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