Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
