Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
