pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize