YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
