i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
