Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
