Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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