Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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