I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
