Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize