sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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