somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
