And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
