I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You may now shotgun with the bride
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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