ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
