It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
