i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
