bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
