I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
