I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
