She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
