I never want to see another naked old woman again.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
