i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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