TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
