i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she looked like the before picture.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
