This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
