After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize