Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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