The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
