you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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