this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize