nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
