god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hippo gnu deer
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
