i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
