it was like eating out sand paper
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
